Modern test runners like Vitest and Jest wow us with next-level features. Think in-file concurrency, HMR, embedded Chromium, performance benchmarks - you name it. Yet behind all these goodies lies a labyrinth of runtime mechanics that tunnel deep into the JavaScript runtime. These sweet perks can quickly turn into a pitfall, from subtle mocking glitches to serious performance issues. Understanding these machines is not just a geeky tour into the heart of clever libraries - but also an insightful understanding of the V8 and code inference that will save you hours of head-scratching and help you craft more thoughtful tests. Don't like theoretical talks? Great, this one is for you.